Deciding to divorce while your children are still minors is likely something you have heavily debated. Now that the decision is made, you’ll need to give some thought to how best to tell them what is happening.
While every family is unique, the following tips should help you break the news.
1. Spare them the details
Your children do not need to know why you are divorcing — they just need to know that you are. It’s typically best to keep the reasons private from them, since adult subjects should remain between adults. Do not “bad-mouth” their other parent, regardless of the facts.
2. Start simply
Don’t try to tell the kids everything at once — especially if you do not yet have the answers about where everybody will live and what life will be like after the divorce. The news that you are divorcing is so huge that they probably won’t hear anything you say immediately afterwards anyway.
3. Address their fears
What your children really need to know is how this decision will affect them. How will their lives change, and how will they stay the same? It’s important to tell them that you will both still love them and that they’ll still get to see a lot of both of you (in most cases, at least). If you intend for them to continue at the same school or keep living in the same house, let them know.
At the same time, it’s important to reassure the children that they did not cause or contribute to you divorcing. Kids can have a vivid and random imagination and often decide that something they did somehow caused the breakdown of their parents’ marriage.
4. Time it carefully
The news of your divorce is always going to upset them, so just find a moment when they have time to cry their eyes out, then recover somewhat before they need to do anything important. So, not the night before they head off to summer camp or as you drive them to school. If you have more than one child, try to tell them together.
While it is important not to hold off too long before telling them, you might want legal guidance first, so you can better answer some of the questions you and they might have.
